Holy sh-t, was that a pain in the @$$

First of all, a note on swearing:  I was trying to set up the Google AdSense program for this site to get some revenue going from the hits that I'd bring in, and there's a few problems with that.  One, Google doesn't like associating its products with swearing.  You can get Google to help you locate virtually every porn site in the world, but if you swear on a blog?  Well, you're outta luck, buddy.  What people's problem with swearing is, is beyond me.  F-ck 'em.  I've gotta keep the blog edited in order to maintain the AdSense, but even that seems absurd, as the program pays fractions of a cent per hit.  Stupid Google.

Anyway, yesterday I had a fun experience: someone tattled on me over at the Examiner for forgetting to put labels on the pictures I was using for my articles-- I knew I oughtta be doing this, but, frankly, it just kept slipping my mind...over 100 times-- and the site contacted me about it.  I was told I needed to go through and make some attributions on every one of these articles for the pictures I'd used or the pictures would be "deleted" in 48 hours.  Essentially, the articles would have no "visual aids", and that'd be a b-tch, because alot of the articles I run directly relate to the picture (some are even ABOUT the picture that's on the page). 

So, I spent about an hour driving myself crazy trying to track down the sources for some of the pictures.  Eventually, common sense took hold and I realized that there was no feasible way to continue what I was doing and finish in a reasonable amount of time: that project woulda taken well over a week at the rate I was going.

And thus, over 100 articles got deleted yesterday.  To be sure, it was actually closer to 200 articles.  My reasoning was this: how many people are reading my "Office" reviews or "Jon and Kate" news from a month ago?  Are those articles really pulling in enough revenue (I get paid by the page view) for me to spend the time fixing their photo issues?  Not so much.  At first, I tried to go through them one by one and delete only some of them, but even that was taking too long.  So, we had a major house cleaning yesterday at the Comedy Examiner's Office.  Went from 233 articles to 54 in the space of an hour. 

Sucks, but what're you gonna do?

Another note: the whole point of setting up this site was to diversify, to post some articles that I couldn't publish over at the Examiner and still draw a portion of the crowd I've got over to this site to continue earning fans and making money.  But that AdSense program makes that idea one big-ass joke, because after 500 hits on this site, we're still hovering around $.40.  That's absurd: I'd make more by printing up every article and selling them on the street. 

I'm going to keep this site up and running, because at some point the Examiner may get tired of my shenanigans and this'll be a comfortable place to fall back into.  But for the time being, it's simply not worth dividing my attention equally towards.  As such, you'll wanna head over to the Examiner for the majority of my articles.  Sorry, folks!  We've close America's favorite family fun park, etc.

Not much more to say on this, but stay tuned.  I'm sure something interesting will come along soon...

Cheers,
Scott W

A Note About: Posting on the weekends (it ain't happening)

So far, the response to this site's been pretty good.  We did around 350 hits yesterday, and while that's not as high as I would have liked-- especially linking off my articles from the Examiner-- it isn't a complete disaster.  When I started writing over there, it took about a month to get a real readership going.  So, we're gonna give it a month on this site and see what we can build: if it falls on its face-- no harm, no foul, we'll just have to stay locked up over at the Examiner.

Meanwhile, I wanted to post this note about the weekends here at NGFH.  We're not going to be running any new material over the weekend (unless, of course, something really important happens or I feel especially compelled to crank something out) here, but there will still be articles going live over at the Examiner.  We may transport some of them over to this site, but there won't be any new, exclusive-to-NGFH material here.  I gotta get a break in somewhere.

But while you're here, check out the archive in the bottom-right corner.  In the past 2 days, we've posted around 20 different stories-- some of them from the Examiner, some of them exclusive to this site.  We've also got a comments section below each article that you're more than happy to get talking in (so far, we've got one comment, from one of my regular readers up in Connecticut-- thanks, Cynthia), if ya like.  And, of course, you're always welcome to come to this page and see what articles I've run on the Examiner recently.  Right now, I've got another report about Jay Leno's ratings in Dallas, some more stuff on the Letterman scandal, an article about "Brutal Legend", aaand...some nonsense about "The Green Hornet".  Come by and give 'em a shot.

I'm really happy that all of you are coming by.  By the way, this Google Adsense stuff?  Total nonsense.  Those ads you see where someone's grinning like an idiot and holding up a check that says "I made $4,000,000 posting links/ads for Google!"?  That sh-t is just untrue.  We've had close to 400 hits since we opened the front door, and if my revenue counter's to be believed, that means NGFH has earned $.29.  Obviously, coming from the Examiner, I'm not used to something that low.  I did the math, and I literally get paid 20 times over there what that Adsense program pays here.  So, this site's not gonna be about the earnings so much as the content.  Bully for you, reader.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.  We'll be back on Monday with new material.  In the meantime, check out the archive and this link to my Examiner page.

Cheers,
Scott W

Shocker: Letterman's blackmailer (D-bag) has a history of being a sleazy toolbox

Robert "Joe" Halderman's the guy that's accused of trying to blackmail comedian and talk-show host David Letterman out of $2 million over some inter-office relationships that the host engaged in.  And now that he's been arrested, the blackmailer's ironic personal history is coming to light.  Oh, how satisfying this all is.  The Comedy Examiner investigates here; read on, my precious snowflakes...

The big news today concerns David Letterman's blackmailer, some guy who was a producer for "48 Hours" that attempted to get 2 million bucks out of the "Late Show" host by threatening to write a screenplay and go to the press with stories of the comedian's relationships with women working in his office.  And-- you're never gonna believe this-- turns out the dude's pretty sleazy, himself.

The internet's bloggers and commenters seem torn on their opinion of Letterman following the revelation-- but, for the record, it has been released that these relationships occurred prior to his current marriage-- but with details emerging on Halderman, it'll be interesting to see how this changes the debate, if at all.

The Daily Beast is running an article that's filled with information about the blackmailer, including quotes from CBS' Dan Rather and comments from  Halderman's working associates and past acquaintances.  Here are a few choice cuts from the article, in case you're not interested in pouring through the whole thing yourself:

Ironically, given his blackmail threat to Letterman, Halderman carried on extramarital romances both in the office and on the road, colleagues say, and didn’t do much to hide them. He liked to drink, colleagues say, and would occasionally get obstreperous. Once, years ago, Halderman “came stumbling into work in bandages and stitches,” a colleague told me, explaining that a bouncer had shoved him through a plate-glass window at an Upper East Side singles bar.

Wuh-oh. That doesn't sound too good.  Odd, then, that Halderman would target someone else for something he seems widely known for doing himself.  But since when was hipocrisy a reason not to do something illegal?
Hey, Dan Rather, does any of this strike you as odd?

This is obviously a tragedy,” Rather said. “Frankly, I couldn’t be more astonished that this guy was involved in something like this than if you came riding through my apartment on a hippopotamus.

Another colleague had this description of Halderman for the Daily Beast:

He was a very colorful guy—I’d label him a charming rogue,” said a colleague who worked with Halderman off and on over the past 25 years. “He was like a character out of Hemingway, or maybe like the Great Gatsby, without the nuance and mystery…He was famous for carrying on workplace affairs, bouncing from woman to woman.

His girlfriend dumped him a few weeks ago and his ex-wife took his kids out to Colorado in the last few months,” one of Halderman’s colleagues told me. “He lost his kids, he lost his girlfriend, and maybe he lost his mind.

 Several other websites are reporting that Halderman was paying over $6,000 per month in child support from a previous marriage that had fallen through due to his extracurricular romantic activities.  His breakup with Stephanie Burkitt-- the woman at the center of all this, who is said to have been involved with Letterman about 5 years ago-- is being speculated upon as the reason that Halderman may have made his bizarre attempt at blackmailing Dave.

So, whatta you guys think?  Surprising, or not?  Knowing that Dave's relationship with this woman-- and, according to a statement issued by Worldwide Pants, Letterman's production company, any other women-- happened prior to his marriage, does it change your opinion of the situation?  A poll over on the "Larry King Live" website found that roughly 75% of people didn't think negatively of Dave in the aftermath of this situation...but what do you think?  Sound off below, folks.

Oh, and by the way: If you're reading this because you were directed here from the Examiner, feel free to check out some of the other non-Examiner articles on this site.  If you're reading this without having visited the Examiner, then check out this page.  You'll find roughly 200 articles that I've written for that site over the past couple months: many of them are decent.  What are you waiting for?  Get over there!

Oh, what the hell is this, now...? Japan's at it again.

Just came across the following video online.  After my "What the f--- is wrong with Japanese people?" post the other day, I thought this was a relevant followup.  Before we go on, check this out:

Riiiight, Japan.  Magic piano, check.  Cross-eyed chick with a fishbowl, check.  Yep, all the parts are in place for another inexplicable video offering from our friendly neighbors to the East.  I could put this video in context for you, but what the hell kinda fun would that be?  Just take it for what it is and try not to cry yourself to sleep tonight.

You know, this could be the beginning of a NGFH trend: screwed up videos from Japan.  I'll try to avoid the game show stuff-- it's really just so obvious; every Japanese game show is horrifically bizarre.

Oh, and I finally figured out how to embed YouTube stuff without it spreading all over the sidebar.  This is a learning experience, guys.  Gimme a break while I'm figuring it all out.  And, while you're here, stop by my page over at the Examiner: I've got a poll up about this David Letterman thing that asks if he's a sleazebag or not.  Me, I think we oughtta leave the cat alone.  But it looks like the commenters might not be so lenient.  Check it out at this link now. 

Inside the Home Office of Comedy Examiner/NiceGuyForHire writer Scott W.

I thought some of you might want a look at my "home office".  This is where I sit and pound mug after mug of coffee and ingest enough horse tranquilizers to make reporting on ridiculous crap like "Jon and Kate + 8" for the Examiner bearable.

As you can see, I've covered the walls with all manner of wacky shenanigans to look at when I'm stuck on a punchline or something worth saying.  On the left hand side, you can just make out the edge of my "Zombies" poster, which helpfully lists what sort of zombies you can expect to encounter once the Zombie Apocalypse starts (this month: British Zombie; I haven't bothered reading how to tell them apart from the other zombies, but I'm guessing that you don't start with the quality of their teeth).  Next to that's a pair of handcuffs ("That's for...that's for something else"), a fake set of Wolverine claws made of actual steel and a set of brass knuckles (a gift from Dr. David Hansen); on the right hand side, you can make out a bunch of fliers from all the shows I've performed on, plus some random other pictures.  Dead center's my 20" monitor and formerly infected computer.  It's interesting to note that the rest of the walls in my place are bare: I put everything worth looking at around the computer.  The idea was to inspire creativity.  I'll let you judge as to whether or not that worked.

Anyway, this is the environment that I'm pumping this crap out from.  That might explain a thing or two.  Really, I just wanted to try out my iPhone's photo-taking abilities, as I realized I'd never bothered to use it to get pics of something to add to an article.  This was just where I was sitting when the idea came to me.  Be thankful it didn't occur to me while in the john.

While you're here, make sure to check out some of the past NGFH articles, helpfully located directly below this one or catalogued on the right-hand side of the page.  You can also head over to the Examiner and check out some of the 200 articles that I have over there.  Current article's about Jon Gosselin's appearance on "Larry King Live"; there was a fierce debate about all that raging in the comments section of the article, so I added a poll where you can vote for Jon Gosselin being the d-uchebag that he is.  Check it all out, folks.